But success in relationships — romantic and otherwise — have a lot to do with proper communication. In fact, most relationship problems are caused by poor communication. 

Here are the top communication issues in romantic relationships and how to work through them: 

More from The Stir: Shocking Study Reveals Why Most Couples Get Divorced 

The Problem: Misunderstanding words and actions. It’s really easy to misinterpret your partner’s words, emails, gestures, and actions to mean something other than what he or she intended. We’re all human — it happens. 

The Solution: Don’t immediately jump to conclusions. Instead of assuming you know what the other is thinking, ask for clarification. Continue asking for clarification until you understand what your partner is really saying. 

The Problem: You don’t talk enough. In a long-term relationship, most of us eventually hit a point where we feel we don’t communicate much any more. We don’t hang out. We have our routines (wake up, shower, dress, go to work, come home), and most don’t involve the other person as much as they should.
 

More from The Stir: Couples Who Fight Have Better Marriages Than Those Who Don’t 

The Solution: There’s a simple fix for not communicating enough: recognizing that you’re no longer communicating like you once did and talking more. Create some alone time to carve out for just the two of you. 

The Problem: You’re avoiding certain topics with your partner. Perhaps this is the reason that you’re not talking to one another anymore. Maybe you’re upset with your partner. Either way, you don’t feel like discussing it, so instead, you clam up and say nothing. Your walls go up as a way of avoiding the issue. 

The Solution: You’re not benefiting your relationship in any way by avoiding problems. Instead of retreating and putting up big walls, take a long hard look at the issues and face them together. This way, you can work together to come up with a solution. 

The Problem: You need to be right. We’ve all had those times when we couldn’t back down from an argument. We’re right, we know it, and we have to prove it. So we pick a fight (or continue to beat a dead horse) until we feel we’ve won. 

More from The Stir: Longest Married Couple in the World Shares Their Secrets 

The Solution: Being right isn’t as important as having open lines of communication. Being willing to see things from another point of view may not change how you feel, but it does give you the incredible opportunity to learn. 

What other advice do you have about communication issues in relationships? 

Original Story 

Life2PointOh: Is it possible for a woman to reveal too much about her relationship to her friends and family?
Janice Christopher: It’s really important to be choosy and careful when revealing information to family and friends. Sometimes we just need to vent in that moment, but the moment passes. Then we leave our friends and family with a bad impression of our guy. Let’s say you have a concern or suspicion he’s been texting other women. The first thing you do is reach out to your two best friends to report the offense. You and your friends get into an uproar, and declare yourselves the judge and jury, convicting him of infidelity without a trial, or even so much as a conversation. Here’s the problem-when you have your epic chat with him, you realize you were wrong. It was your own insecurity creating this story of infidelity. The conversations were innocent and now you realize your man has women friends. It’s all good and you realize you made all of this drama and pain for yourself for nothing. But your friends now think your guy is a jerk, and you don’t. You were the only one who heard his explanation first hand, saw the look in his eyes, and heard him declare his undying fidelity. Oops!

Life2PointOh: Where do you draw the line in friendly gossip versus relationship TMI?
J.C.: Friendly gossip is best done when you’re saying complimentary things about your guy. Gossip about how sexy he is. Talk about what you really dig about your man. This can only make your friends love and respect him for making you so happy. They may even get jealous, which could be fun under certain circumstances. TMI is when you hear the gory details about sex, bodily functions, or when you’re violating his trust.

Life2PointOh: When is it OK to ask your friends for advice on issues within the relationship?
J.C.: I always like to talk about (my proprietary definitions) Red, Yellow and Green lights. It’s really helpful to debrief your dates or your relationship with your friends in the context of running your concerns through their filter. They have your best interest at heart and may be able to offer you some good perspective. Let’s say you’re concerned about how a man is treating you. It might be a yellow flag for you. Does he take too long to respond to your call or text? Ask your friends what they think. Let’s say you’ve attracted yet another loser. Ask your friends if this guy seems like the last relationship mistake you made. Let them help you notice negative patterns you seem to keep repeating. Is the relationship moving too fast or too slow? This is a good topic to review with your friends. Then draw your own conclusions.

Life2PointOh: And what topics should be reserved to be discussed only between the two people in the relationship?
J.C.: Intimate details of your sexual practices! Nobody needs to know exactly what he whispers in your ear at that critical moment. That’s private, intimate and sacred between you two. Repeating it diminishes its sacredness. Second, fights. There’s no reason to air your dirty laundry to your friends. It’s just not fair to your man to diminish him by bringing up negatives with your friends. And third, awkward financial situations. It’s no one’s business and it’s embarrassing to your guy. Would you want him revealing your weak spots to his buddies, sharing your mistakes and missteps in public?

Life2PointOh: Good point! So, in a world where oversharing has become the norm (just look at Facebook and Twitter), how does spilling too much to your friends affect the trust in your relationship?
J.C.: I know my man hates when I share stuff about us on Facebook. He wants to feel free to express himself in private. Men especially don’t like sharing so much. They’re more private. So be careful about what you share. Keep it light, keep it brief, and make him proud. Post a complimentary picture of the two of you, include a sentence that will make him feel like a stud and leave it at that.

Life2PointOh: Why do women constantly compare their relationship to their friends’ relationships? Is this based on insecurity or is it a natural human instinct?
J.C.: We are naturally competitive, so we want to see how our relationship stacks up against our friends to make sure we’re getting ‘enough’ from our guy. And yes, this is normal. It’s not necessarily healthy, but it’s normal. Having said that, comparisons help us decide if we feel good about our relationship. When we look at other relationships and notice the difference between ours and theirs, we see if what we have is satisfying us the way we want it to. Maybe your friend’s guy takes her out to dinner religiously every Friday night while your guy sits on the recliner burping up beer all weekend. The comparison may help you realize you’re not that into spending the rest of your life with Mr. Beer Belly. It is helpful to see what is possible in a relationship by looking around you.

Life2PointOh: How do you stop the comparisons and turn the focus back to keeping some privacy in your relationship?
J.C.: You laugh, tell your friend how happy you are for her, and then change the subject. ‘Hey did you guys ever try that new wine bar on State Street last weekend? I heard they have the best hummus there.’

Life2PointOh: If a friend is oversharing, how should you respond?

J.C.: Well, you could totally enjoy it, and then go home and giggle about it with your man. Use her behavior as a way to talk with your man about how the two of you do not want to conduct yourselves around your respective friends.

Life2PointOh: What should you do if a friend is asking about your relationship, but you don’t want to reveal those details?
J.C.: Dodge the questions artfully! ‘How big is Darrell’s thing?’ can be answered with ‘Big enough to keep me smiling!’ ‘Does Vinnie earn a lot of money at that job?’ can be answered by saying ‘I think he has a comfortable lifestyle, plus he seems to handle his money really responsibly. I like that about him.’ ‘How often does Vinny have an orgasm’ can be answered with ‘Oh…my gosh, he’s so sexy…I love what we do together!’ You’ve satisfied her need for intimate details while complimenting your man, yet not revealing any real details. And then there’s always honesty. You can always say to a good friend, ‘Tony and I really like to keep our intimate relationship just for us. There are certain things we’ve agreed not to discuss, even with our best friends. What I am comfortable talking about is all of the things I love about him, or plans for the future and the dreams we share.’

Have you said too much about your relationship?

Original  Story

‘Get away from me’…Dating can be tough– and worrying about making a good first impression can be stressful. But there are a handful of things… let’s call them turnoffs, that can make you want to ditch your date before dinner even starts.

Jennifer Purdie of San Diego has dated several guys and had her share of “bad” dates… but some instances stand out more than others.

“I once had a guy text on his Blackberry the entire date, barely even looking up to talk to me,” remembers 34 year-old Jennifer. “I walked out and left him the bill.”

Women and men experience these situations all the time, leaving them turned off and literally wanting to get away from the other person. It’s Just Lunch, the world’s #1 personalized matchmaking service, recently took a survey of over 5,000 singles and found the top 5 biggest turn-offs. According to Irene LaCota of It’s Just Lunch, “You don’t get a second chance to make a first impression.”
1. They Have Bad Breath

As if talking to someone with bad breath isn’t bad enough, kissing someone with bad breath is unbearable. Bad breath may just be a case of their onion-ed up Subway sandwich, or it could be a more serious case like halitosis or another periodontal disease. This number one turnoff (for 26%) can also be a gentle reminder to you, no man wants to kiss a woman with bad breath!

Related: Why Do You Put Up with BDB (Bad Dating Behavior)?

2. They Appear Unkempt
Okay, so the Ryan Gosling messy hairdo is not what this means. This could mean yellow teeth, stained shirts, nose hair, unkempt feet and nails and not clean shaven or groomed. A woman wants a man who minds enough to take care of himself. This was the biggest turnoff for 26% of singles surveyed.

3. They Are Overweight
Being overweight doesn’t reflect someone’s personality or admirable attributes. But a man or woman definitely doesn’t get turned on by someone who’s overweight. Twenty-five percent of men and women surveyed thought this was the biggest turnoff.

4. They Smoke
For 22% smoking was an instant turnoff. Smoking also ties into bad breath as it could be a cause. In addition to the stigma associated with smoking, the actual act of smoking requires time away from a date to go smoke outside.

5. They Don’t Follow the Golden Rule
“There is nothing more unattractive than being rude or dismissive of those serving you coffee, lunch or dinner, driving you in a cab, and so on. Remember the Golden Rule when you’re out with a new companion; trust us, your date will notice and react positively,” says LaCota.

Before you get discouraged (or too grossed out!) there is good news. None of these turnoffs are permanent or reflective of someone’s character.

According to the It’s Just Lunch survey, for most individuals, no single attribute is a deal breaker. So if you dig your date but are turned off… remember– some of these turnoffs can be remedied.

Original Story